21.12.09

Wandering through my mind

I was reading Diana's blog, where she was talking about how the past has shaped her, she was remembering old boyfriends. I don't have that many interesting people that I know, at least not in real life.But blog friends are great and so much more interesting, maybe it's because they are mostly writing to amuse themselves, or at the very least people they don't know irl, or family. My family is/was very strange, I know my mother is dead, she died in 2001, I read it online, honestly I was playing around on a social security page and just typed in her name for giggles, and there it was, she had been dead for 4 or 5 years( closeknit lot, weren't we?)  It felt weird to read that,not sad or anything, it wasn't like she was much of a mother, I hadn't lived at home since I was 15, as I went out on a date and didn't come home for 3 days, she decided that I should continue my date from then on, and put my clothes on the porch so I would get the hint.Not that big a deal, really. It was an exciting life, drugs, rock and roll, burglaries and robberies to pay for life, That culminated in a fistfight with a cop, as they thought we had kidnapped a guy, but in reality we were just keeping him from walking out into the traffic in a stupor.That landed me in the youth authority, a step up( down?) from juvenile hall. I had been there, off and on from the age of 12, mostly as a chronic runaway and petty thief...nobody hires 12 year olds. That is all neither here nor there, just a thought that popped in to visit.
The runaway thing is what I have done since the age of 2 years old, not sure why, maybe always looking for the "greener grass". I seriously ran away every other day or so, starting at age 2, we lived with my maternal grandparents, and the paternal ones lived  halfway down the block. Everyday I would sneak out and hop on my trusty tricycle ( after stripping off every stitch of clothing,....such a rebel !) and peddle down to the other grams house. She would always ask if they knew I was there and of course I lied and said yes. She would then phone down the block and tell them I was there again.I out grew that wandering when we moved out to the "country", when I was about 3 1/2,( the naked wandering , not wandering) where my grandfather owned an avocado ranch.There were only 3 houses in the vacinity, and my brother and I would wander all over the hills to our hearts content, no one else was around most of the time. There were religious fanatics that lived down the hill from us...seriously cultish types, I still remember going to their house and we had to read out of the bible,(I could read by age 2 , all of my mothers children could) they did it daily and more than once.I quite liked their dog, a big English Springer Spaniel, named Malley..weird the stuff you can remember so many years later. I remember the kids that lived there, but not too well, there was a boy and girl that were both older than my brother and I , he being a little closer to their ages.Everyday that stupid cult kid would mouth off until my brother beat the crap out of him ...they must have been 6 or 7 at that time.I don't remember the girl just that she was there, don't know any of the names, except the dogs. Down across the street were a couple more kids, pretty old to us, probably 10 or 12. Their father was an undertaker, that's all I remember about them. The best part of living there was almost total freedom to come and go as I pleased, and this could be miles, no one bothered us.Dunno why, but wandering is ingrained in me, don't know what the hell I'm looking for, just adventure, probably, or to get away from me( that is highly likely) Okay ,that is enough disjointed rambling for today...I think I will write more stuff tomorrow, or not, I am a person of good intentions, not schedules!

2 comments:

Furtheron said...

The past does shape who we are but doesn't have to determine our futures.

Funny to read this as it's very different from my own story... I was with my Mum right to the end and miss her terribly stil now she's gone, they'll be an empty seat at Christmas if you get what I mean.

I hope you have a happy and good Christmas.

Four Dinners said...

Punxxi!!!! You are me long lost kid sister!!!!!!